I ended up being sent off to the hospital that day. I sat around and cried. I cried and cried so much, I didn't think it was possible to cry that much. But I did. I think I used almost every box of tissues they had. Finally after about half an hour a nurse came in and told us they didn't have a private room available. They wanted to put me in a private room because all the private rooms were three floors up from the maternity ward. Away from all the babies. So we went home. I couldn't stop crying. Everytime I thought I was ok, off I went again. That next week was to be the hardest week of my life. So that night I slept on and off all night. I think the contractions started at about 7 pm. Although, at the time, I didn't know they were contractions. I didn't know what was happening. So I kind of had an hour here and hour there when I actually did get sleep. And my dear husband didn't sleep at all because he was keeping an eye on me the make sure I was ok. All night! So the contractions slowly got more intense and by about 6 am when I had a shower, they were full on. I rang my midwife and told her what was happening. She said to get my butt straight to the hospital. So I woke up hubby, who'd just gone to sleep about two hours ago, and off we went. Off course by this time it was peak hour traffic. Ugh! I was in so much pain by this time. And I think all you gorgeous lucky ladies out there that have been in labour get what I'm saying. We were sitting there, stuck in traffic and low and behold, road works. IN PEAK HOUR!!! I think I scared the hell out of one guy who was in the car next to us. I was grunting and groaning rather loudly. When I think about that now I laugh. Poor guy. Lol. Anyway, we finally made it to the hospital. Hubby dropped me off and just as I got out of the car, major contraction. I sure attracted a crowd I tell you. Luckily, the nurse that I'd seen the previous day just happened to be arriving for work, so she got me into the car and drove me in. I was taken into a labour suite and put into one fo those attractive gowns that tie up at the back just as hubby came racing in with my bags. Poor, sweet man. I love him so much. Then they were about to stick a drip in my arm, when, the whole thing just fizzled out. No more contrations, nothing. Hmm, I told them ehat happened. They check out everything. Couldn't find a reason for it. So, there I was to stay for a couple of days till I either started labour again myself or they were to induce me. Two days and several pessaries later, and nothing. Four days end even more pessaries later and still nada. I had so many midwives and nurses hands up there I was starting to feel like a pez dispenser. I'd been woken so many times during the night, I don't know why I even bothered to try and sleep. But, I was never alone. Sel was beside me 24 hours a day and when he couldn't be there, my Mum was with me. I cried so much that week. But the one thing that really stood out in my mind was the fact that when I finally got to go home, it would be with empty arms. That hit me the hardest. So when nothing had happened 5 days after they started sticking me with needles, popping pessaries up there and scanning me. They decided they were going to try something new. It had only been tested a few times. But by this point I was willing to try anything to forgo having a d&c. It was a pessary type thing but made from seaweed or womething. They were $1000 a tablet. And they had to keep them in the freezer. So each time a had one, they had to defrost it first. I ended up having three courses of those. I now have the worlds most exprensive cervix. We still laugh about that one too! I'm always telling hubby , in the middle of baby dancing mind you, to be careful of my expensive cervix. Lol. It's hilarious. So, they never ended up working that well either. They put it down to the fact that the receptors in my uterus and around my cervix had "gone off duty". So it was a d&c for me. The last thin I wanted. And my GP didn't want to go there either, seeing as there was the risk of infertility. I did get to go home that night. Yay! But I had to go back in the next day. I was all gowned up again.uck. And back into bed for me. I waited all bloody day for them to come and get me. Then when they finally did, I was stuck in a room, drugged up to my eyes, which wasn't all bad, listening to some woman behind me talking to a nurse about her ceasar. I thought, great, this is what I need to hear right now. Talking about going back to her room after and having cuddle with baby and bla bla bla. Good, I'm crying again. It seems whenever someone even spoke to me that week I sarted crying. Finally a nurse came out to get me. I just wanted this to be over with now. I was so fed up and tired and just sick of crying. Of course when she came out, I was already crying. More tissues. I woke up later feeling just empty inside. And I don' mean because I just had a d&c I mean in my heart I felt empty and I had this pain in the middle of my chest that felt like something was taken away. Of course. It was. I was the worst week of my life. And one I'll never forget. Ever. That was my first missed miscarriage. Oh and I think I forgot to tell you. When they did the 20 week scan, bub was only 13 week size even thought she was still alive at 16 weeks, she was apparently very sick and hadn't grown. And they couldn't tell me if it was a boy of a girl when they did the d&c because she was too far gone. I still believe in my heart it was a little girl. I've named her Madelaine.
The story of my second loss will be tomorrow. Don't worry, it's no where near as dramatic.
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